From fear to Challenging HIV stigma & gender inequality: The Journey of reformed husbands

Jean Baptiste NIDUFASHE 55, a resident of Nkotsi Sector, Balizo village in Musanze district is married to Jacqueline NYIRANDIMUBANZI 29, with two children. His HIV status was at first extremely disheartening and overwhelming, causing him to have conflict with his wife all the time.

However, following the awareness about the promotion of gender equality, ending Gender based violence, HIV-related stigma a cordial relationship with his wife later grew, fostering mutual respect, understanding and harmony.

The awareness was facilitated by 40 trained men from Musanze and Nyagatare district by   Rwanda Network of People Living with HIV (RRP+) in collaboration with the Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre (RWAMREC), with support from the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women (UN Women). The trained contained the topics including Understanding Gender, Power and masculinity, Domestic responsibility Sharing, Gender based violence, Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) and Prevention of HIV.

Involving men, along with women, in addressing and challenging the main Gender norms & stereotypes made successful the event.  Participants during this awareness sit in pairs; a husband next to his wife as a sign of togetherness and allowing complementing each other during discussions.

“I remember there were times when I couldn’t take any responsibility at home, leaving my wife with the burden to do all the domestic work.  I considered myself above her, avoiding any activity with her. She was supposed to fetch water, collect fire wood and put food on table while I watched over.”, said NIDUFASHE.

A Positive surprise change brings joy 

As any change has the power to uplift feelings, NIDUFASHE was reminded of a husband’s responsibility. The neglect for his family brought back a sense of open-mindedness and resilience.

The wife, NYIRANDIMUBANZI stressed, “I was overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude because of an unexpected recognition from my husband, reconnecting with him was a turning point in the improvement of our health and well-being. I could not imagine him taking any household responsibility.”

Unlike before, NIDUFASHE and his wife are united, owing to the awareness on Gender equality and reducing HIV stigma.  They even keep reminding each other when it is time to take their ARVs or respond to the doctor’s appointment.

 “I now share roles with my wife at home.  When she goes to fetch water, I light the charcoal stove, when she is peeling, I wash the cooking pot, when she is away, representing our family I keep the home clean and do other activities.” NIDUFASHE added.

NYIRANDIMUBANZI, the wife to NIDUFASHE confirmed that the situation before was also characterized by constant provocations from each other. 

“Unlike before, where I used to be overworked at home, am always sure that whenever I leave home for any duty, I find most of the work done, including buying food from the store and washing children’s clothes and ours.”, NYIRANDIMUBANZI proudly said.

NYIRANDIMUBANZI and her husband hope to earn a decent living and a better life to care for their children. They also believe that soon, the news about their transformation will spread to their community and they intend to build on that to educate neighbors and continue to live an exemplary couple.

She further said, “Through open communication my husband and I plan together about purchasing property of any nature including land and each of us has a willingness to make affordable contribution.”

The couple plans to share the same experience with neighbors, especially those who carry the same mindset they used to have.

Another husband changes from being dictatorial

Fidele NZARERWANABO 50, another beneficiary of the same awareness is a resident of Muko sector, Mwanganzara village, also located in Musanze district. Before, he believed that a husband in a family is just meant to lead and impose rules.

NZARERWANABO 50, is married to Jacqueline NIRERE  46, with three children and a grandchild. He liked exerting control over his wife in all aspects, extremely draining her emotions.

“Honestly speaking, I used to dictate over my family, leaving all the work to my wife and children, and I was always being personal.  However, after the awareness through RRP+, I decided to work together with my wife in all aspects.”, said NZARERWANABO.

The dictatorial husband he was, NZABARERWAMO had even abandoned feeding his cow that provided milk for the family. All what he earned used to be spent extravagantly in bars, while the family was struggling to get food.

The wife, NIRERE, was forced to take over that responsibility of milking their cow alone, to see that children could get milk.

This has however changed, as the two feed the cow in turns, depending on each one’s availability, to make sure it provides enough milk for their children.

“I relieved my wife from being a single provider; when she is busy, I cook for our children and feed our cow as well. I never used to wash my clothes, but now I do and even wash my wife’s clothes too. She also does the same.”  NZABARERWAMO added.

Now a transformed husband, NZABARERWAMO said he is ready to share his experience with the neighbors, especially about his current progress in consolidating family tasks with his wife for mutual benefit.

A genuine smile communicates warmth and positivity among the trained couples, indicating that they are genuinely pleased and grateful about the acquired skills in living and challenging HIV related stigma and domestic challenges.